We’ve all heard the saying ‘it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey’. I’ve felt this a lot lately when it comes to my head struggles - I’m kinda tired of the term ‘mental health’ being thrown around so I’m trying to come up with some other descriptors.
We are all in quite the cycle. I say ‘we’ because I assume I am not the only one who goes round and round in this circle. When the storm shifts and the sun begins to peek its way over the clouds, I feel so elated to be out of it. Happiness comes from the absence of the storm. I have a spring in my step, I smile at everyone and reach out to people I haven’t checked on in a while. But when it, inevitably, all comes crashing down, the devastation is a visceral tearing through my chest. Worse than the actual storm I’m going through is the disappointment of being in it again.
I know that happiness is not the destination. But it doesn’t stop me feeling like I’ve made it each time I feel excellent again. I guess I must be insane because insanity is described as doing the same thing over and over whilst expecting different results. But no, let’s not be too dramatic. I do make changes. I learn from each hiccup. Picking myself up again feels momentous, but there isn’t anything other to do than that.
I think the key now is to accept that I will never be ‘better’. But things can change, and they do. There must be a better place than this, I’m sure I’ll find it. Here is okay though, I quite like it. I’ve found a good headspace.
Just a short one from me today. I hope you’re all in a good place. If not, remember the storm passes eventually. Don’t fight it, just be.